The Ending of “D 1 47”

It’s been pretty quiet at TRANSITIONS for the past four days, which I totally understand because the past four days have been packed with new experiences and insights and a bunch of further connecting of the invisible ascension dots! I know if I’m going through this now many of you are too and that’s why it grows quiet for periods here; we’re all getting hammered by the same energies around the same time. I felt a great relief from the potent Summer Solstice and following Lunar eclipse (June 26, 2010) energies on June 27th, but by the next day things were rolling once again and the aches and pains were back…again.

Instead of repeating myself here I’m going to leave a link to an old post about my Higher Self ascension message entitled D 1 47 .     https://deniselefay.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/d-1-47/

This article is also connected to The Chiron Dilemma & Ascension  https://deniselefay.wordpress.com/2010/06/28/the-chiron-dilemma-ascension/

Five years before my physical Ascension Process started on Feb. 1, 1999, my Higher Self informed me that something very big and important was coming. (January 5, 1999 was Day 1 of the Mayan Days/Nights cycles which I did not know for many years after the fact.) Despite my knowing this five years in advance of its physical arrival, I still was totally bowled-over by it the first day it started. It was literally like I and my body had been one way my whole life, then suddenly on Feb. 1, 1999, everything changed and my physical body (and mental, emotional, spiritual bodies) have been in a continuous state of transformation ever since.

Because of this nonstop ascension process I’ve been living through all these years, I’ve often wondered what, when, and how this alchemical process would end so I (and you and all of us) could finally move on to the next level of this Process. Seriously, I’ve pondered, questioned, asked for insight about this because, after 10½ years, I’m more than ready to transition out of endless physical pain…not to mention looking worse for the wear and tear of it all!  For the most part I’ve not been allowed to perceive the full understanding of this, but I’m used to running into spiritual brick walls like this. I’m not supposed to fully know all the when’s and why’s and how’s to the ascension process for the primary reason that it would interfere somewhat with my personally living it. The second I’m vibrationally there because I have lived it…then I’m able to perceive much more and connect more of the ascension dots. This is happening again for me now due to the 2010 Summer Solstice, the Cardinal squares/T-squares, and the Lunar eclipse (June 26) and the upcoming Solar eclipse at 19° Cancer 24′ on July 11, 2010.

After having some weird body pains—which I sensed were last-minute shoves from my Higher Self about letting go of a couple more things I personally needed to release to be free of them and able to move on—I then went to the grocery store the other day and didn’t think I’d make it back home!  Something had changed in a big way. Once I made it home and got the groceries up the stairs and into my house, I literally fell asleep for many hours, which has been an impossibility for me until we reached 2010. While coming in and out of sleep I  felt that old familiar inner body vibration of the rewire process buzzing throughout my inner body, and the top of my skull felt/feels like its mutating…and it probably is! I also had a high-pitched tone screaming in my right ear  (further brain halves being rewired, aka new neural connections made between them), while my left ear had the also old and familiar Pleiadian Morse Code-like clicking information transmissions.  Oh, and in all honesty, I’ve been having a lot of vomiting again since the SS (summer solstice) and the Lunar eclipse. I figured this had some to do with the Cardinal squares and SS (0° Cancer = stomach) happening almost to the degree of many of my natal planets (Sun, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter, Nodes and soon Saturn), which is probably the case along with all the other energies and further DNA changes etc. Then the micro/macrocosm symbolism started with my repeated physical vomiting and the Gulf of Mexico oil vomiting. Sorry but this is how it works for me; simple cartoon-like visuals and understandings, or, grand and complex microcosm/macrocosm similarities that blow my mind/heart open even further.

I’ve vomited and slept and napped more and hurt in new and exciting ways since the SS but…we’re going someplace grand because of all this as is always the case. After days/nights of this and then the grocery shopping incident of almost not being able to get back to my house due to SEVERE exhaustion and pain, I went back last night and re-read Lauren Gorgo’s two latest posts because I knew it all was in there and that I needed to re-read them now. (“Galactic Times: The Solstice Reconnection Completion and her Lunar to Solar Eclipse-the big push ) And it is all in them and I strongly suggest that you re-read them both now too, and maybe again before the July 11, 2010 Solar eclipse (in Cancer).

After I re-read Lauren’s two posts last night, I had a night of further insights. I realized that what is currently happening for me and many of you who’ve gone quiet since the Lunar eclipse, is that we’ve reached that trigger point where we finally exit what I’ve called my D 1 47 . Many of us are currently ending this incredibly long, difficult, and profoundly painful alchemical phase of transformation, clearing, and repeatedly letting go of so we’d become transparent and contain primarily higher frequency Light energies. Now the real fun begins, which I’ve known for many years, but knowing something and actually standing at the threshold of living and being it are very different things! I’ve finally solved my Chiron Dilemma but didn’t need to die and exit my physical body to do so and neither did you. I’ve also let go of some more things I needed to so I am fully removed from the trauma and drama of Phase One of the ascension process. I sense with the Fall Equinox we will enter a new phase of adapting to our new DNA, our expanding consciousness, continue learning how to consciously create, and exist and function from outside of linear time…or within an increasingly quantum state of awareness. From D 1 47 (February 1, 1999) to now has been one hell of a difficult road to carve and also travel, but we’ve done it. Now we get to start living and being the results of having gone through everything we have. Well done everyone.

Denise

July 1, 2010

Copyright © Denise Le Fay and TRANSITIONS 2010-2012. All Rights Reserved. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete, credit is given to the author and you include this copyright notice and link. https://deniselefay.wordpress.com/

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44 thoughts on “The Ending of “D 1 47”

  1. Denise,

    In reading your posts and Lauren’s for the last several weeks I find myself oddly jealous of all the pain and purging you’ve been going through. I have been on a spiritual journey for decades, and have been on an ascension path for a long time also, but without the strong physical ascension changes you experience. Have I had symptoms? Sure. But nothing like what you and others describe.

    Have I experienced and dealt with a lot of upheaval in the last 10 years? You bet, and I won’t bore anyone here with that.

    I was thinking of this difference just this morning and how your experiences leave you knowing where you stand in the ascension process, where as I haven’t a clue. I do know I’ve been placed “in the 3D world” and carry my light with me wherever I am and with whomever I speak.I do know that I touch some people deeply. But I just step forward one day at a time, trusting I’m in the right “place,” paying attention to my inner knowing and insights and hoping its enough.

    • shamballa9944,

      Believe me, I don’t always know what’s happening to me and why either! That’s why it’s so important I feel for all of us to share with each other what we’re going through and when because it helps of course, but it also validates for many of us and helps to not feel so alone in all of this. Of course we’re not alone but it sure feels and seems that way while you’re going through the really horrid days/nights of this process!

      Know that not everyone needs to feel this transformational process as intensely as I and other people have. Be glad about that! There is so much about this whole ascension process that is a just do it sort of thing where you do not have a clue about what is happening much of the time. That too is an aspect of it and our learning how to just go with the flow and not have our ego-selves in the driver seat all the time. I fear I’m rambling now because I’m tired so I’ll shut up! 🙄

      Hugs and ESPAVO,
      Denise

      • Thanks Denise. Your rambling still is helpful :D. I too came to the conclusion in my walking meditation yesterday that we all have our role and our “way” of synergizing the light within.

        I was unfamiliar with the word ESPAVO until just now. I have found the story and am delighted to have this ancient frequency in my conscious awareness and know that it will trigger exactly what it needs too 🙂

        Thank you for that also! ESPAVO!!

  2. Thank you Denise. Last night and today have been the strangest ever as far as my perceptions go. I want to know when the after party or send off party is. Wow, just wow.

    • nadeanna,

      You can usually tell when you are moving, once again, into more of a multidimensional state of perception by all of the weird and super-weird stuff you see and feel around you. Lights flashing, things moving through the air or space around you, sounds not created by anything or anyone physical. Last week I had two days where something made clear, loud knocking sounds in the air inside my house. It sounded exactly like someone knocking on your door, and I physically checked to make sure because it was that physical of a sound, there was no one there. I’ve experienced this same anomaly many years ago and it was, back then, ET friends letting me know they were energetically nearby. Point is we’re moving forward very fast this summer and the fall will be even more so I sense. Hang in there and enjoy the visual phenomena and light show! 😉

      Hugs,
      Denise

  3. Hello Denise, You are my Twin Flame in Pain, mine started around the same time, as yours did, and yes i am succebtible, to pre-earthquake jitters too, or i would not be reading your articles. Love your Astrological advice too, saves me a lot of Heart break. Thank you for sharing your pains, Dear one, a lot of people do not understand or know what we go through. Sending much needed Lovelight to you, Grand Goddess.

    • Hi solumahorusra, and welcome to TRANSITIONS. 🙂

      For the past week now I’ve been feeling subtle little earth rumbling quakes of very low magnitude. It feels like the earth is quivering. Much is going on in us and earth now. I heard there was a 6.2 earthquake below Mexico City yesterday I believe it was, so maybe that will ease things up for a bit for us earth sensitives.

      Hugs,
      Denise

  4. By my New Reality, Denise, I actually made it through the ‘password jam’!

    My very headspace, it seems, has been opening up, most recently. Physically (at 83!) I seem to be feeling younger by the day; and each morning my head gets clearer and I can see ‘the way things seem to work’ somewhat more clearly (re: reality) . Im continually more confident in what I’m realizing (i.e., REAL-izing).

    But last night I had a particularly marvelous experience: I sometimes fall asleep while the radio continues playing, as I did last night. An hour and a half into it, I came awake — or half-awake, perhaps — to a BBC portrayal of someone’s experience in Istanbul, told through recorded snatches of the reality she experienced there. It was like an auditory collage, and my own head, cued by it, floated through various early-life experiences of my own that her flashes brought to mind, which simply increased the depth of the collage! It went on, that way, for several minutes (seemed like longer), and it was like no head-trip I’ve ever experienced . . . I suppose I’d say it was almost psychedelic in its richness.

  5. What a big blessing to get your post. You can put to work, what is happening and somehow seems foggy to me. Bless you and thank you.
    I have been feeling, “just get it over with” and exhausted too.
    Gwen in New Mexico

    • gwennm,

      Exactly! Just get it over with already! Gads…I’m embarassed at this point to STILL be feeling so horrible. Today was terrible…until the Sun went down. This misery won’t last forever however. 😉

      Hugs,
      Denise

  6. Hi Denise.

    I can handle a ridiculous amount of pain, but I utterly disintegrate when under the influence of nausea. I am sorry you are still dealing with that. Sucks. Big. Time.

    I feel pretty lucky having less pain the last ten days than the last ten months, but that is probably because I have been on Pred for my rash. I am grateful, but still paying that freakin’ piper one way or another, it seems.

    Most of my discomfort of late has been emotional, in that I am struggling mightily with how to live in Void Land. Getting use to a detached frame of mind, but finding it boring and rather pointless. I get/got a flare up of optimism from both you and Lauren, so I will keep that in my front pocket for easy access.

    Something is definitely coming to crescendo. Change, for better or worse, is imminent. Can’t say I am excited as much as anxious, but ready as I’m gonna be. Take care!

    • lamplighter2,

      Thanks and I’m glad to hear your rash is getting better. Like we need any extra crap to deal with huh?!

      After the Sun goes down I always feel better which tells me tons of energies are being transmitted through the Sun once again. And there is a learning curve to being content while alone and in the “Void Land” as you perfectly called it! And that change we’re feeling is both for the better/worse…which is weird I know but the crashing of the old and the slow implementation of the new higher is happening simultaneously. Hang in there.

      Hugs,
      Denise

      • Not so quiet anymore around here, huh?

        Funny, I had never thought about the sun (energies) going down as a reason I felt better at night. I assumed it was because I was holed up safe in my house, out of reach of the daylight energy vampires. Night time is when I feel the most calm, safe and in touch with All That Is Good. Expect most folks feel the same.

        It is also because I live for The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. :0)

        I now ponder the upcoming solar eclipse. Will said transmissions be interrupted, or re-dispersed in some way to add or subtract intensity?

      • lamplighter2,

        I’ve always been profoundly sensitive to the higher cosmic/galactic energies being transmitted into our Sun and then on down to humanity and Earth. It got to where I could tell by the body pains and “ascension symptoms” I was having if there were solar flares happening. The physical pains have always been the same when the Sun is involved; ascension flu, body aches and pains like from the flu, chills like I have a low-grade fever, and headache. Thankfully as we transmute our lower dense stuff, the solar flares don’t effect us in exactly the same ways with the same intensity…but it still hurts physically!

        Since June 28th I’ve felt increasingly horrid physically with yesterday peaking…I hope! I was in so much pain yesterday and my post shows it unfortunately. Today my spine is still killing me, and the pain keeps switching between two different locations only a few inches apart. The pains in my head, skull, scalp, and one eye is beyond ridiculous and it too moves around inside my head/skull. Feel all that Uranus and Jupiter in Aries (rules the head, skull, face) energies helping to change/evolve our heads.

        Eclipses are potent portals where energies come in and/or go out of this reality and world. I’ve been perceiving something about the summer solstice and these two eclipses following it in the Capricorn/Cancer polarity energies. I’ve talked a lot about the three, the triangle, about “triality” consciousness, about how our evolving out of polarity consciousness automatically places us within a higher, faster frequency of triality (unified and quantum) consciousness or that seemingly magical place of three or in the higher point of the triangle. This is the higher frequency and state beyond polarity. I see these 2010 Lunar (female, goddess, Lemurian, mother etc. polarity) eclipse and the upcoming July 11, 2010 Solar (male, god, Atlantis, father etc. polarity) as another way that we’re being energetically moved beyond these two old lower polarities and consciousness types and ways of being on earth. I see them as helping us ascend vibrationally into that third higher state where they have been totally integrated (just like our right/left brain halves) and are now unified which naturally produces something totally different than only the joining of the two lower aspects. That’s what I feel these Capricorn/Cancer eclipses are doing to and for us in 2010 within the ongoing ascension. There’s probably much more to this, but that’s all my exhausted brain/body can cope with today! 😉

        One more note: the upcoming Solar eclipse in on an 11 day, and I’ve always seen the 11 and the 11:11 as one huge portal, like two pillars that the Initiate walks through to get to the other side. I sense that this July 11, 2010 Solar eclipse at 19 Cancer is going to be one huge trigger, portal, or anchoring to what we’ve been living and working through since Jan. 2010. Then we’ll integrate and adjust during the fall months.

        Hugs,
        Denise

      • Very interesting perception regarding the triality as you call it representing the merging of polarity into Unity.

        And how perfect, as you point out, that these eclipses are taking place on the Capricorn/ Cancer axis, which is the 10th and the 4th house of the natural zodiac, associated with father/mother etc.

        Of course all these axis’ represent some form of polarity, the this axis is foundational to human consciousness and vital before we can fully transcend Aries/ Libra (self/other)

      • Jiminy Crickets, Denise, I started aching just reading about your discomfort. Hope you are feeling much better today.

        I have to be careful with my empathy however, because within hours after I posted here a couple days ago, grateful for not suffering from nausea, I was bowled over by a food allergy and subsequent tumultuous gastrointestinal reaction (processed food, you’d think I’d learn!). In the midst of my turmoil and glued to the toilet, I could not help but think of you.:0) Apparently I felt left out…

        May the sunshine shower you with loving energies only! The sun is my bestest friend when I am feeling low, so I hope I am not overly sensitive to its harsher, but well meaning transmissions. I will share with you and others a Benevolent Prayer I wrote and say out loud to myself every morning. It has helped me tremendously in the last month or so since I started. I use to be laid out flat by earthquakes and such, but not nearly so much anymore. Could be the prayer, could be I have moved beyond that physically. Either way, it helps soothe my mind.

        “I request a most benevolent outcome for all healing and expanding energies uplift and refresh my physical, mental and emotional well being. I ask that any and all energies received are processed through me in a most gentle, helpful and efficient way, each and every day, for my highest good. Thank you.”

        Bring on the 11s! Wants me another portal PDQ. I’ll go anywhere at this point, as long as it’s more interesting than this here and now. This Alice wants a new looking glass…

      • these past few days have been horrid, thought maybe i had PMS, ha. the solstice was quiet for me, and quiet up until mon-tues ish. iv been attacking myself mentally. i worry about what i say, what people think, have no hope that anything will get better, im sitting on a pile of projects that never took off, so many, pretty much all of the dreams laying there, empty, like a tease. iv put hours and sweat into so much but just when things should start to move, like a big tease some part of the puzzle falls apart, this has been happening for years and years though, iv lost count of all the projects i got hired for then for one reason or another the day before or few days before it gets cancelled, it seems like some sort joke to me now.. nothing happening, people not getting back to me… and peoples behavior, totally weird and unpredictable. iv totally given up on the relationship front. i cant wait to be in that space thats capable of feeling free and loving cause i aint feelin it at the moment.

        i have a weird rash too! itchy and bumpy on my face. i usually have completely clear skin.

        shrug…. i think ill go read jane austen and dream myself into england where i want to move to, take a nap and bath and wait for this bump to pass.

        sometiems i wonder if im just a crazy nutter LOL 🙂

      • I love you! We love you jlcrowley!! 🙂 Don’t ever forget that while you’re down in The Pit doing great spiritual energetic transformational Work on yourself. Seriously.

        I hear you and know exactly what you’re talking about and why you feel this way. Parts of the old lower 3D dense you are dying…being transmuted into light that vibrates so much higher and faster. And as far as all of your old projects goes, in many cases you’re evolving so fast now that you literally out grow them before they can manifest physically. I remember Karen Bishop talking about this in the past and how, in many cases, not only do we move/grow/evolve/ascend beyond our old 3D projects and plans, but because we’ve done this those lower frequency plans and projects are no longer a correct frequency or energy match to who you are today…and who you’re becoming next week, next month and so on. We need to keep this one in mind especially now because time is so compressed or seeming to pass so quickly and we’re evolving even faster.

        So don’t beat yourself up over old projects and plans that you haven’t gotten finished, because they’re no longer a match to you and/or what you’re supposed to be focused on in this moment. This is us learning how to hang in mid-air during so much change. I’ve called it dog paddling in place because that’s what it often felt to me over the past few years! Eventually the energy tide comes back in and we get forward movement once again. Until then however, we hover, we hang, we dog paddle and wait while we and things change. 😉

        Hugs,
        Denise

      • 🙂 i love u!
        all comforting words, but a message to my soul, honey i need to eat, and go to yoga class so i can feel somewhat normal, and need to stop borrowing money from my Mom (Im in my 30’s this is starting to be embaressing lol) and going out once in a while wouldnt hurt me either LOL i feel like life has been passing me by for years… and if one more person thinks im a kundalini yoga teacher when i havent been able to get certified for lack of money ever im going to cry! LOL

        alright im just bitching here… im always go go go work work work create create and create, when i cant cause of lack of resources it kills me. i am very tight lipped about all this stuff always, very rarely do i complain about it but iv had it, its just been way too long living out of a duffle bag, doing the work, and suffering. i want to blow the dangling carrot up cause it has a way of wasting so much of my time.

      • jlcorowley,

        I know, I know, but nonetheless it is still an aspect of The Process. Keep doing when you can and also get the hang of not doing when you can too. Eventually we’ll work our ways out of this craziness and it Will Be Good! 😀

        Hugs,
        Denise

      • Everyone of us needs to acknowledge that “we’ve had it!!” from time-to-time! Work, clear, create–manifest God knows what! And yet the rewards are always just out of reach. And clearly we don’t do any of this for “the rewards,” however we do live in a paradigm of a certain expectation that their will be better times, better life, better living in some way, shape or form…that as you said, feels likes its a dangling carrot.

        I’ve had some serious talking to the Universe about this from time to time and let “it/them” know I’m sick and tired of it.

        And…I get the sense of a responsive “sigh, smile, patience…” and then I’m free to continue on whatever awaits me on the road ahead…

      • Dear Jlcrowley,

        I’ve had a lot of start-stops dangling carrot with the current contract I’m on. I sort of feel now that it’s been the universe testing me, although I certainly think what Denise said about the frequency matches applies.

        I really wish and will send out some energy waves to have your needs be met. It seems like a lean time to me as well, and yet I seem to find many various moments in which I feel blessed to have what I really need, even if it is not quite the bliss I had grown accustomed to last year.

      • [I] need to stop borrowing money from my Mom (Im in my 30′s this is starting to be embaressing lol)

        You aren’t the only person in such a situation. I am 30 and still living with my family because almost nothing I have done the last seven years has amounted to anything physically so I have no money.

        I personally think that the ascension process creates a few challenges specific to younger people like us. (By younger, I mean people in their thirties or younger. The majority of people who are or have been going through the ascension process seem to be in at least their forties.)

        Most of us who younger are less established in life and have fewer savings and other resources to fall back on.

        Also, being “retired” at such a young age is something that pretty much nobody except for other people who are knowledgeable of the ascension process will understand.

        One thing that has been difficult for me is that I got out of college and thought that I would eventually get a decent job and have a home of my own and finally be able to have at least somewhat the life that I actually want, but then this damn ascension stuff started.

        Watching other people my age get married and have great social lives and buy homes and take vacations and spend money on other things that I can currently only dream of has been very frustrating at times.

        Ryan

  7. Thanks for that post, Denise! I’ve been going out of my mind with pain the past week. Not that misery loves company but it sure is good to be reminded of what’s going on. I feel bad for you that you are doing the puking thing, because OMG I hate puking! So that’s my good news – I’m not puking! So I’ll take comfort in that and just keep dealing with this pain, which is bad enough. I feel like someone took a baseball bat and whammed be across the mid-section of my back. Also good news for me is being able to step back from the chaos and drama and not get in the middle of it. It is very strange for me, very different. Funny how people keep trying to engage me in it though. They come to me with the drama, their negativity, and I’m sure they are wondering what’s wrong with me because I am SO not going there anymore. I LOVE that part of this process. I’m not liking these physical symptoms AT ALL though. Yesterday was “Canada Day”, a lot of energy all around. Maybe, hopefully, today things will calm down. And thanks for the heads up re July 11. I’ll go reread Lauren’s posts too.
    Hugs to you,
    Love Chrys xo

    • Oh man Chrys…that is one HUGE lesson and task that you’re talking about with the ascension process! The good old turn your back on the lower 3D ego drama and negativity that wants you and me and all of us to never ever leave or change or grow etc. I’ve had to literally cut people out of my life that were totally invested in and addicted to their lower negative drama because I can’t do it anymore with or for them, plus I’ve got far better ways to help than that! But it is a TEST we all get to experience, a few times, during the ascension process so we fully recognize different levels of energy, consciousness, ego, and mental/emotional focus.

      Hugs,
      Denise

      • Hi, Denise – my first post here, following on from the lovely email reply that you gave me. Definitely think it’s my turn for another level of this particular TEST – having to be very discerning about who and how to engage out there in the world at the moment. As I said in my email, even with some ascension-buddies who’ve suddenly gone off on a metaphysical/healing tangent kidding themselves that they’ve found a miracle short-cut to this god-awful process. If only. And if there was, I’m sure incredible peeps like you and Lauren would be telling us all about them! Sometimes being heart-centred is just about standing back – not always easy when you’re empathic and can feel people’s pain – back to discernment I guess and finding the highest way to help.

        Was starting to feel even more alone but now I’ve found my way here to all the helpful support and insights that you are giving us. Still walking – hence my user-name 🙂 and so very glad to be here!

        Huge hugs from Scotland

        🙂

      • Hi susiewalker22 and I’m so glad you’ve joined us all here. 🙂

        I’m SO amazed by those people who believe that they need to do something to “fix” or “correct” or “heal” their ascension symptoms even though they know about the ascension process! WTF? In fact I’m going to write a post about just this topic. People are so ingrained with the old Piscean Age dis-empowerment beliefs that if something hurts (physically, emotionally) then you must be doing something WRONG. Sorry, I’ll save my rant for the post. 😉

        Hugs,
        Denise

      • Hi, Denise – you can rant all you want and I will listen to and learn something from every single word. I’ve just downloaded and read A Lightworker’s Mission. You’ve blown my mind. Probably literally. No wonder I want to stick staples to the heads of all those smucking fug ‘you-create-your-own-reality’ purists who say all you have to do is meditate on a mountain top and think lovely thoughts and the world will change by magic.
        I am totally humbled by what you and your incredible mother have been going through – warrior brigade indeed.
        I need to go away and integrate all this … no wonder I needed to take two weeks off work right now 🙂

      • susiewalker22,

        You just made my (and my Mom’s) day! Thank you so for your kind words. I’m beyond happy that A Lightworker’s Mission has impacted you so and that you get it! You get that being a Lightworker doing lightwork is WORK, and typically not pretty or gentle or happy fluffy at that! Usually just the opposite, at least for many of us.

        Enjoy your two weeks off and pay attention to the subtle stuff. 🙂

        Hugs & Gratitude,
        Denise

      • a lesson to remember pulling back from the ego drama people try and ring you into. and iv cut of all in that realm, except unfortunetly my mother who i live with gets quite caught up in it, frequently. she feeds on the negative drama and yesterday there was a huge fight over it whivh ended in me crying for hours and hours, whenever my moms ego feels like its been insulted, the insults fling, the threats of kickin me out and the all iv done for you…sigh. we have a house guest who she likes to talk to about my stepfathers family, as its his daughter in law but the subject brings up memories of abuse that start visions and revive memories for me (he was a horrible person i moved out when i was just 16 for two weeks) but instead of her undertsnading the continual rehash of the subject hurts me it turns into a immature power play. the subject makes me feel like i want to die. im not sure how im going to take 25 days of two people feeding on negative ego drama withint the same space as myself. any suggestions and kind words here are welcome cause ill be checking back on this site dailt to keep myself sane. 🙂

        (i meant i moved out two weeks after i turned 16 lol not just for two weeks)

      • JLCrowley, just want to say to you “Been there, done that, wore the T-shrt” Over and over I went right into the drama and the pain and then – things started to change and I was able to just step back and watch it play out like a movie. So I guess, my friend, you just hang in there and “know” that things will change for you too. It’s a process and remember what Denise says, it’s stairsteps. Until I found this power within myself, I would just physically remove myself from whatever situation I couldn’t tolerate. As in Elvis has left the building! And believe me, some day you will be able to sit right in the middle of the “play” and no one will be able to yank your chains any more. Yup, it’s true 🙂
        Also remember what Denise said – you are loved!!!
        Love and hugs
        Chrys

      • {{{{jlcrowley}}}}

        I think family is probably the most intense and usually the “last” round of healing/personal growth at a personality level. This is the core stuff. They know every button to push because they installed them.

        I find it so interesting that you got yourself out of there at age 16! How courageous of you!! And now you’re back. There are no accidents of course. So at the highest levels of consciousness you know that there are things to tie up here. Not for them. For you. As Chrysalis says here too, you will get to the point where you can sit back as an observer and not be moved by their drama.

        I’m not sure it happens all by itself, but when you are ready to fully disengage, remove yourself emotionally this time, you can start to see what’s really happening. You will learn so much about the dynamics of the present and the past, and even more importantly about YOU.

        And you will be SOOOOOOOO proud of YOU for hanging in there and facing down those old dramas and arrows, and know that they no longer have any power over you! Now that’s courage!

        ESPAVO!

  8. Wow Denise
    !
    Thanks a million for shining a light of wonderful clarity on the state of things presently, b/c I was not able to put it all together entirely on my own as to why on Weds I looked about 20 lbs lighter than I did on Thursday, and my body is yet again aching up a storm!! I kid you not, I blew up literally overnight and clothes that were fitting me — well let’s just say between that and the increasing pains in tendons and other areas, I’ve been left scratching my head a bit here these past few days wondering what was going on!

    OK, is it just me????……… I am beginning to believe more and more that the reason we are continually feeling and endlessly experiencing this same old stale, boring, repetitiveness of clearing/stablizing/clearing…may have more to do with us clearing for the collective than any of us has previously realized or grasped. I am talking about in a deeper, more vast, almost too difficult to try and conceive way than any of us may have previously considered—where we lightworkers, et al, are not only having to clear our own “stuff”, but in turn are also transmuting more than our share for the rest of humanity, the earth, etc., especially as we unearth and dispose of our own stuff. I am toying with this concept a bit, and thinking out loud, self admittedly in my sharing this. But it just seems that for too many years, all of us have had the sense that we’ve finally made it through to the other end and therefore will not continue to be as ill or in pain as we were in Phase 1, and then we get walloped time and again with yet another wave of so called fresh load of crap!! Now, I know that really sounds like some sort of a “we are the messiahs” type of mentality, in pondering that we are the “special” ones who were sent here to clean up after all the rest of the children (collective) who are so out of touch and unable to clean up after themselves, which is NOT the sense I get at all – or at least entirely. 🙂 More to the point – it’s as if those of us that are on this end of things are solely doing what we are wired/programmed/gifted in doing – that doesn’t mean that we are better or more advanced. I think it has nothing to do with that. It’s like we are a galactic clean up crew that came in with the agreement or understanding that to make it happen in the biggest sense of the word, we would be required to basically soak up all the negative, lowly, backwards refuse in need of transmuting like a sponge in order to assist the process in a hands on, angelic garbage man kind of way. LOL. And hence the reason for the ironic, twisted sense that we’re stuck on some revolving platform that doesn’t seem to entirely let up, at least not for very long, regardless of how much puking, clearing, dealing, transforming, self evaluating, forgiving, releasing any and all of us seem to endlessly do!

    Just some food for thought…

    Hugs
    Robin

    • Robin,

      Excellent and so true in my opinion. Thank you for sharing your insights with us all.

      Back in the dark days of Phase One when I used to post on a couple of forums because I didn’t know blogs existed, I talked about this and referred to myself and the other Plutonian-like Lightworkers like me as Cosmic Janitors. I have tons more to say about this and what I sense is now different for us in Phase Two and why, but I’ve got to attend to some other things first. I may write a post about this topic and quote your Comment to tie all of this together. And Robin, I hope you’ve read Lauren Gorgo’s latest two post (especially) because there’s specific sentences in them about this and other stuff that you should know about now.

      Thanks again for sharing your important insight and also for making it easier for me to talk about certain things too.

      Hugs & ESPAVO,
      Denise

    • Robin,

      I think you’re (forgive the 3D phrasing here) “on the money here.” I see it more as handling what may be more a collective (community) dumping ground in the etheric versus something of a particular individual who isn’t capable of clearing it themself. As societies we create all sorts of paradigms that need shifting and clearing and I suspect that is a greater and greater part of what people are clearing.

    • I am right there with you on that. I feel like I gained 20 pounds when I was in Kentucky and aged 10 years in 3 months. It’s taken me over a month to recover from that stretch of time this spring. I finally am feeling like I am beginning to look and feel more like myself again. I certainly feel like the past 3 days have been a breakthrough for me.

      I do feel that I am investing a lot in transmuting any collective gunk that might be out there floating around and really working for the best possible outcome from this Deepwater Horizon nightmare.

      I am so thankful to be in a harmonious ecology and be buffered from many of these catastrophes.

      I think we have a very ‘bust our asses’ phase in our near future, but I know it will be so worth it when we get through it.

  9. hi Denise.

    while going through all this, i feel very confused. i am very angry most of the time. all the blogs out there seem to all say the same thing….. we should have unconditional love. really?! sometimes i wonder if i will make it to what i’m supposed to be if i am so angry like this. what i am going through physically, emotionally, AND financially, not to mention dealing with the ones who are not aware of these energies INFURIATES me. i feel intolerant of the bs i’m going through on this 3d plane of existence, and i am feeling more anger than ever before. the way i am now is totally opposite of the person i was before all this started happening to me. before i was very nice, kind, sweet….now i can’t stand stupidity, i am angry alot…mostly because the bottom keeps falling out on me in everything i do (and don’t do). when i read this post i definitely could identify with the part in where you mentioned the toll this takes on your physical appearance; sometimes i wonder who the hell is that looking back at me in the mirror, i have terrible acne that started 2 years ago and i’m almost 40! through all this, it seems like all that i have learned is to stop being so nice. is being angry like this normal or i am going in the wrong direction?

    i changed my name again.

    patricia.

    • Patricia,

      Thanks for letting me know you’d changed your name. I can so easily get everyone’s user-names, email address, and name names really screwed up all on my own so thanks for the heads-up.

      https://deniselefay.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/rage-the-ascension-process/

      You should know me and the way I curse and lay it out there in a no BS, earthy and honest form that RAGE and INTOLERANCE and FRUSTRATION over the assholes and idiots and pretty much everything else that vibrates lower, is a totally normal and necessary phase of the ascension process. Honestly, it is, so don’t feel bad because you’re no longer that sweet, tolerant, puts-up-with-all-of-the-shit person any more. Like you I too had never felt RAGE in my life until I’d reached that level within the ascension process. I was shocked by my sudden hate, my intense rage and intolerance over everyone and everything on the planet that was…as it/they always had been…but I could no longer tolerate that lowly state of being, consciousness, belief systems and so on. I was so shocked and surprised by my sudden change in attitude that I used to say “…that I repulsed myself!” 😆

      Think of it this way; if people like you and I don’t ever reach that point where we absolutely refused to continue on with life/reality/the world begin run the way it has been, then who in the hell is ever going to cause it all to change, to improve, to evolve? 😉 There is nothing light and gentle about ascending/evolving up out of lower frequencies as we’ve been doing for many years now. But know that eventually this RAGE and INTOLERANCE and HATE phase evolves into the next phase which is where I’m at now which is…I’m taking full conscious responsibility for who I really am now and the abilities I now have to change reality, to create a new world with High Heart etc. We are not supposed to “fix” the old lower insanity world and its dead-end systems and limited, greed-based beliefs; we’re suppose to create right over it all from our ascended/evolved higher frequency state and consciousness. We could never get to this point if we didn’t reach that stage of utter INTOLERANCE, RAGE, and even HATE over all of the lowly evil, greed and injustice in the (now dying) world.

      So know that you are perfectly on-track within this stage of the ascension process and do not feel bad for feeling this way. It is an unfolding process and its purpose is to get us to go postal on the “money changers in the market place” so that we’ll create a new and higher world reality.

      Hugs,
      Denise

      • Beauty. Nailed it.
        Ascension is nearly identical, at least in my experience, to the steps of grief. Anger being one of the most difficult and gripping stages for me. I actually was thinking for some time that I would never leave the anger stage. Not even sure if I was suppose to, as it helped to propel me to action, often for the betterment of others.

        Not any more. And it left me without my doing anything to make it go away. Not that I don’t get angry, because I do. But it fades away like morning dew, sometimes faster than that. The anger no longer activates me, it actually slows me down now.

        I do know there is no skipping of stages, so if rage, anger, frustration is where one is at, one will stay there until it is done. Any attempts to skip or shorten it means something is left undone.

        Acceptance. That is the final stage. Accepting All That Is As It Is. At all times.

        I am not there yet, but I can sit on the steps and see it, visualize it, and sometimes feel it. I know it’s there, and I know I will get there eventually. Along with everyone else.

    • Patricia I think this is totally normal. I went through an angry phase in 2007-2008. I still am intolerant of the stupidity, but I have gotten much better at not letting things ruffle my feathers. Sometimes demanding integrity gets people to change, so I would say just demand your rights and demand honesty, and when it is time to quit being bitter, you will know.
      +hugs+

    • Various metaphysically-oriented people have been saying for a while that physical life here in this part of creation has been and is continuing to get harder for the people who have not done whatever inner work they need to do in order to survive in the new, higher-frequency reality.

      Recently I decided that such people are indeed having a harder time with life in general and that this isn’t more new age babble.

      As far anger, one possibility is that we (those of us experiencing the ascension process) may not necessarily be angrier, but the people around us are experiencing increased amounts of anger, frustration, et cetera, and their unwanted emotions are rubbing off onto us.

      This “rubbing off” is probably made worse by many of us having not yet really connected to each other, and thus we don’t have each other to prop ourselves up energetically (since like energies combine together and are strengthened).

      Of course, being tired and worn out makes tolerance a lot harder. I don’t equate this state with genuine, probably-needs-to-be-healed anger.

      Ryan

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