Pains, Frustrations & Confusions of the Spiritual Ascension Work

“I have such a desperate need to heal others but I can’t accept the fact that instead of embraced for my ideas I’m repelled and persecuted. In what way can I stay balanced without such negativity and still find a voice to reach others without absorbing their density?

I often pray to god that he will put me in the correct dimension I belong in. I feel like all my relationships are tumbling down. I’m being called ungrounded because I share my experiences and positivity and insight into the vast power of spirit and human consciousness.

I feel like words are becoming so mundane. I feel connected but also so alone. Like I have nobody to go through this with, I feel so mentally alone. My whole life I felt like this. Crucified for being so different. Insulted and called crazy or weird. I just don’t fit.

Emotionally I feel like nobody around me understands me. Its been 26 years of loneliness. The further I go, the more I see how skewed the relationships I am in are even when they actually wouldn’t be if I weren’t on this path. Nobody gets it, and all I want to do is live alone in peace because nothing but nature provides it.

How if it were meant to be they wouldn’t force me to a standstill and reject me.

As things become more intense in the world I feel it so hard to look away. I want to heal and help. I want to care for people and show them another way, like you do. But face to face. I want to counter team dark, I want to banish them myself for all they’ve done to my people. I want to balance this mess. I know inside it won’t be through a sharp tongue alone that this is accomplished. 

Sometimes I wish I could be able to ease the pain of something. But the beating I take for it – it is worth it? Should I just abandon all my dreams of changing the world and instilling harmony? The more I look inward, the more I understand. The more I don’t help others causes guilt and a feeling of selfishness. To turn away and into myself would be counter productive to the very thing my spirit wants. When will this be over, Denise? When will I go back wherever I came from that was lighter and full of inspiration, desire and passion of spirit? What should I do to ease my suffering and loneliness in the meantime? I’m often too afraid even to speak or to write you this. I hope you understand what I mean by this letter.

Theo”

I received this email last week and because I’ve received others like it from many people over the years, I asked Theo if I could quote her letter at TRANSITIONS so we could have this discussion publicly where hopefully more people will benefit from it. Thank you Theo for allowing me to share your letter. ❤

If you’re on the Spiritual Path then you too have felt these pains, frustrations, and confusions occasionally. If you volunteered to incarnate on Earth now to transmute, embody, and anchor the Ascension Process as a being from elsewhere, then you’ve most likely felt this way even more. With time the pain of feeling Homesick lessens and we settle into our physical Earth lives and pre-incarnational Soul Contracts and just do what we’re here now to do. But there’s always the longing to be in a like-Home space, dimension, or world with like-frequency Family and friends once again.

When I was a child the summer and fall sunsets would just about destroy me because that was the time of day and energy that caused my Starseed Homesickness to amplify to the near breaking point. I’d watch the Sun set in the western sky and mourn and weep for my real Home and other-dimensional kinsfolk. It was not an easy time for me, and was also energetically connected to another timeline and “past” life in 12,600 B.C. Egypt. I suspect that’s why the setting Sun activated my Starseed heart so easily as a child in this life and timeline.

Typically, the Ascension Process mutilates most of our relationships, primarily because one person is evolving (due to multiple time coded, activated Soul Contracts and different phases within it) and the other person is not. Or, one person is living the Ascension Process but is much further behind on those Ascension Stair Steps (the different levels and phases within it) which often makes the consciousness and energy gap between the two people way too much for both parties to cope with. If one person can reduce that energy/consciousness/reality gap and move into a closer frequency range with the other person—mate/lover/child/parent/friend/co-worker etc.—then the relationship continues. If not, problems and frustrations are experienced by both parties. Oftentimes one person absolutely MUST continue moving forward at the pace they’re capable of then no matter what (Soul Contract) and this is why many relationships don’t survive the Ascension Process. No one has “failed” the relationship or the other person(s), it’s just that the relationship has gone as far as it can for both parties within the intensity and constant growth and changes of the Ascension Process.

“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”

People not consciously aware of the Ascension Process (and other related spiritual issues) simply perceive those of us at the frontlines as crazy, sick, disturbed, rebellious, imbalanced, delusional or just big pains-in-the-ass! This shouldn’t surprise anyone reading this really because we know how much most people do NOT want to change themselves, and will typically lash out at anyone they perceive to be a threat to their locked-in and locked-down life, consciousness and reality. We Bringers of Light are typically not what the masses want to have to deal with, and even when they don’t consciously know what we are and what we naturally do, they sense we’re “different” and that we’re rocking the familiar reality boat and typically they don’t appreciate us and what we’re doing whatsoever. And of course for the Starseeds/Lightworkers/Lightwarriors/Indigos, this just makes an already difficult job all the harder.

A lot of people do NOT want to be “helped” or “healed” or “expanded” in any way because they’re perfectly content with the way things have been, or so they think. As repulsive as that is to most of us Bringers of Light, I totally understand it, and all we can do is Bring the Light, radiate it constantly and hope that as many people as possible are inspired and assisted by the Light we’ve embodied on to this world. It’s not our jobs to “save” anyone or “heal” anyone; it’s our job to provide an exit route out of the Darkness and insanity, however we cannot carry anyone across that Alchemical threshold but ourselves. Said another way—the ONLY way that you can, I can, each of us can “help” another person or humanity in general now is to integrate Duality within ourselves individually, which automatically reduces the overall workload of polarity resolution for every other person on the planet. THAT is how one person truly helps another; integrate and resolve the polarized energies (Duality) within yourself which automatically makes it easier and faster for others to do the same within themselves. Clear that Pathway to the higher Light for others through yourself. No ego recognition, no fame, fortune, no religious trophies or gold star points for doing it this way, and that’s actually a blessing.

So many words everywhere!

For many of us at this late date within the Ascension Process words are becoming mundane as Theo said. Since the start of 2011, I’ve struggled to continue writing at TRANSITIONS because I can feel that things have shifted and continue changing for me even more dramatically in 2012, and I’m finding it harder to write as often as I did prior to 2011. The words and topic I now write about must come from a High Heart place and be truly helpful in the moment or I can’t muster the desire and focus to write now. (There are other reasons for this too which I’ll cover in another article soon.) This is how much we’ve evolved into High Heart being and consciousness so far, and that’s a wonderful sign, but this is why in 2011 and 2012 I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I have at TRANSITIONS since 2007. I’ll continue writing but know that things are changing super-fast now in 2012, and I’m having to make adjustments to cope with these dramatic increases in energies and this means less writing from me now. We’ll all adapt and keep moving further into the new timeline during 2012 and beyond but expect the unexpected, be flexible, be wise, rest plenty and take care of yourself body and soul, and expect to increasingly know more yourself instead of relying on reading ascension and spiritual-related words written by other people. This too is a positive sign, and knowing for yourself is going to be SO much more fun.

Ascension-related Soul Contracts

A lot of people have a hard time truly understanding that by them living the Ascension Process and transmuting lower frequencies (Duality, polarities) within themselves, their bodies and surroundings, plus embodying higher frequency Light Energies, that THAT’S how they’re actually changing the world reality and helping humanity transition into the newly anchored timeline and ascending Earth. Humans have been brainwashed into believing that if they’re not physically doing something then we’re not being productive, effectual, or even worthy of receiving the simplest of physical necessities such as daily food and shelter. As Bringers of Light—Lightworkers/Lightwarriors/Starseeds/Indigos etc.—we know this is a horrific lie created by the Dark Ones and the negative human patriarchy to maintain the human slave labor mentality and belief systems across the planet generation after generation.

We forget that through our integrating, transmuting, embodying, radiating, and BEING the higher frequency Light Energies while in human bodies on Earth in this timeline, we are “Doing”. You know that famous line, “be the change you want to see”, well, it’s true. By our embodying these higher Light Energies we’re BEING and radiating them across the world in this timeline we’re assisting Earth to vibrate higher, which naturally improves reality and life for everyone else. This seeming non-doing doing (how integrated and non-polarized is that!) is internal, unseen, unrecognized and unappreciated by the people around us but we knew it would be this way before we entered this dimension and we still couldn’t wait to get in here and go through all this…this…this fabulously intense transformational work.

I too have my moments where I refuse to take the “beatings”, abuse and disrespect any longer from people who don’t understand and/or don’t want to change and evolve now. I understand why they feel this way and why they do and say what they do towards most Volunteers/Starseeds/Lightworkers/Lightwarriors/Indigos etc. I have my moments when it gets to be too much for me and I have to retreat a bit to re-balance and detox whatever lower frequency junk I picked up through these situations. Dusting ourselves off and getting back in the saddle again is faster and easier now than it’s ever been, and we’re all learning to master being “Keepers of the Frequency” to borrow a Barbara Marciniak’s Pleiadean term, and not be pulled out of or “fall” from higher frequency neutrality in the first place. Soon we’ll constantly exist within a frequency of neutrality—which comes from having integrated, resolved, and ascended duality or polarities—and we won’t struggle and suffer with these situations and lack of awareness in certain people like we have. We’ll both know and be neutral (which is the higher frequency and state of consciousness and being that exists beyond duality, polarity) and that is going to be so worth all the painful and difficult transitional work we’ve done.

Along with these things also comes the expanded responsibility of learning to consciously chose what WE want to focus on mentally and emotionally moment to moment. In other words, we’re learning to be much more conscious of our consciousness and are consciously choosing what our higher Heart Mind is entertaining each moment. The great news is that eventually this too won’t be an issue or struggle for us and we’ll simply exist within a higher frequency state of neutral High Heart being where lower frequency people, consciousness and issues won’t unbalance us. We’ll exist within and function from a state of High Heart unified neutrality and consciousness—which means non-polarized not disinterested, unfeeling or insensitive—100% of the time.

So, “To turn away and into myself would be counter productive to the very thing my spirit wants…” is incorrect actually. This type of thinking is more old 3D ego-based with some heavy Piscean Age religious distortions in it. I’m not blaming anyone because that is what the planetary Collective is still full of unfortunately and am only pointing out that this is not how things work at higher frequency levels.

When will this be over?

Theo asked me, “when will this be over?” Well, that is the question now isn’t it? The entire answer is still out on this one unfortunately because the planetary Collective is still waffling over this topic. I know what I want and I put my vote in long ago. Other-dimensional Upper Management has certainly heard my plea for a final cutoff point or Expiration Date to this continuing hanging on while waiting and waiting for as many people to get on the Ascension train as we can get this time around. I’m beyond tired of this waiting which has been torturous to many of us over the past years.

I’ve asked this question numerous times too over the past many years and I’ve perceived a few major or primary probabilities. The difficulty with trying to answer major questions like this is that the answers are never as black and white or polarized as a yes/no or now/later type answer. That’s old polarized 3D thinking whereas what’s been happening has been a gradual ascent up many energy Stair Steps which produces different phases, levels, and stages within this transitional process. Yes there are Expiration Dates and cutoff points within it, but they too are really Stair Steps and not as total and absolute as many of us would like them to be.

October 28, 2011 was a big cutoff point or Expiration Date, as was the 11-11-11 portal of November 11, 2011. I felt another huge transition and cutoff point when we entered January 1, 2012, and could feel that everything had changed again in important ways. The whole month of March 2012 was very potent and it too altered things in major positive ways.

The Full Moon on May 5, 2012—the “Festival of Buddha”—Moon will also be more potent in 2012 than past years, and the New Moon/Solar Eclipse on May 20, 2012, when the Earth, Sun and Alcyone of the Pleiadian system align will also bring in tremendously positive and amplified higher energies (Pleiadian energies) to humanity and Earth. And then there’s June 2012…which just blows my mind when I look at the calendar because it’s packed with multiple powerhouse energy events throughout the month. Physical life and reality will begin changing dramatically with the start of June 2012. Do you see and feel the energy Stair Steps building and expanding so far in 2012? We’re not even halfway through 2012 yet and we can feel and see the acceleration of the physical dimension dismantling of the global patriarchy finally.

And on and on it goes day by day, week by week, month by month for the rest of 2012 and beyond. Some Ascension Teachers have recently mentioned how things will be very intense for “the next five years”. The primary reason for this is that on June 23–24, 2012, the first of SEVEN squares (direct motion(s), then retrograde(s), then direct motion(s) again) between Uranus in Aries and Pluto in Capricorn starts. These seven exact Uranus/Pluto squares or hits will happen starting with the first hit on June 23–24, 2012 through 2015.

Actually this Uranus/Pluto square energy was first physically manifested globally with the start of the Egyptian Revolution on January 25, 2011, and it’s spread across the world ever since and that was just the beginning of what these two planets squaring each other will do. Actual physical reality (Pluto in Capricorn) and human consciousness (Uranus in Aries) is and will continue to dramatically and quickly be dismantled and rebuilt (the seven squares over the next five years) at a vastly higher frequency and consciousness. This MAJOR transformational process won’t always be pretty or easy, but it will be 1000% successful in permanently removing the non-human, non-physical alien Dark Ones and the physical human patriarchy and all of their lower frequency global systems from this planet. Five intense, compressed years of total dismantling and removal of the inter-dimensional and global patriarchy/Dark Ones entirely. Hell, I’ll hang around for five more years just to witness the fruits of my/your/our labors across Earth and beyond!

But we’ve got the rest of accelerating 2012 to live and transition through first and there are more energy Stair Steps coming after June and another Venus transit, the 2012 summer Solstice, the start of the Uranus/Pluto squares, planets changing signs, solar, galactic and deep-space energy increases, the fall Equinox, the 12-12-12 portal and the grand finale of the 12-21-12 winter Solstice. Plenty more 2012 excitement and changes coming with multiple energy Stair Steps to climb and connect and embody into this Ascension timeline.

What about us Volunteers/Starseeds/Lightwarriors/Lightworkers/Indigos in 2012?

I know you too have been acutely aware of how many people—myself included—are just not around online as much or in the same ways as we had been for many years prior to the start of 2012. Things have changed tremendously since we moved through the 11-11-11 portal. They changed again on January 1, 2012, and they shifted yet again in big ways in March 2012 and they’re only going to continue doing this all year. I’ve felt very “sequestered” since the start of 2012, and this sensation is only growing. Let me clarify what I mean when using the term sequestered.

For me this sense of being sequestered doesn’t mean hiding or not interacting with others out there in the world. It did in years past but not in late 2011 and 2012. With the start of 2012 it’s been much more about my (so many of us) working while awake and asleep in other dimensions and timelines to build and anchor this Ascension timeline in this dimension. For the past four months of 2012, I’m acutely aware of and can feel when many of my Starseed/Lightworker readers and other Ascension Teachers out there are simply not existing in the same level, location, and timeline. I can feel the energetic changes when my fellow Co-Workers exit this timeline, and I can feel when they return, and how we all reconnect even more strongly within this Ascension timeline again and again. I know you reading this can feel when I leave this timeline to do some work, tweak things a bit more, and then return to this Ascension timeline again. This is us weaving timelines together, cutting other ones out, and all to create a totally new timeline and Earth that’s completely free of Team Dark and their distortions. This level of multiple timelines and multiple realities work back into this Ascension timeline has been profuse so far in 2012 and I sense it will continue the rest of this year.

As this continues, we’re becoming increasingly aware of how much this world, this reality is changing for the better because the old lower frequency everything and everyone is quickly going the way of the dinosaurs now. Some say that this transition could take as long as two to three generations to complete, and that is one strong probability. However… that’s FAR too long in my opinion and I know things are shifting moment to moment now because of the timeline weaving and cutting work we’ve been doing plus the tremendous increase in unseen and cosmic/galactic/solar/deep space help that’s much more easily able to come through now in 2012. This too is only going to increase as Team Dark is further dismantled this year. I know this transition can happen much, much, sooner than two to three generations so let’s help it happen. Let’s help the human Collective fearlessly, easily and quickly transition into the new ascended 5D Land of Plenty sooner rather than later. Use 2012 because it’s so amplified, so charged and ripe with positive potentials for total transformation. Hang in there everyone because it’s so close now, and get ready for June 2012.

Denise

April 20, 2012

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